< Previous40 Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 T he teenage years seem to start earlier than 13 these days, in fact so early that the phrase “tweenager” has been coined to describe a child entering this stage of adolescence. From a parent’s point of view all we see is our little baby girl or boy disagreeing and arguing with us more than they’ve ever done before. It feels like a stranger has moved in. This is a global phenomenon – we’ve all seen the Harry Enfield sketch, “it’s so unfair, I hate you.” But Alfred Gull, a counsellor at the German Neuroscience Center with 30 years’ experience in helping and supporting adolescents says it can be even more challenging for children living overseas. “Expat kids have to face a situation where they are together with many people from all over the world from different countries, different cultures, and different religions, which means they have to deal with the fact that they are different from others on a daily basis,” explains Gull. “Then comes puberty with all the changes, and they realise they all of a sudden become different from the way they were before. All of this Living with teens (and tweens) causes an even more profound identity crisis than teenagers who live in their home country are facing.” So we all know our child goes through this huge transformation from sweet, willing, happy little person in to a stroppy, self-conscious, moody adolescent. But what actually happens? “When our children hit their teens, they become curious, a lot happens, and it definitely happens for them at different times. Teenagers often do not know what to expect and what we expect from them,” Gull says. Gull points out that they become scared about falling behind their peers and being laughed at if they develop signs of puberty earlier or later than others – and this makes “When children hit their teens they become curious” Everyone warns you about the teenage years, but is it really as bad as they say?Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 41 them vulnerable and anxious about being judged. “Since social media became so popular, they also compare themselves with influencers, who are often creating an inaccurate picture of the truth. This pressure is one reason why they start comparing themselves to others,” Gull adds. So teen angst (anxiety) is a real thing, not to be scoffed at. “Uncertainty and insecurity dominate teenagers’ whole lives,” says Gull. “Anxiety is compounded by the worry of being judged by others and not being ready to stand up for themselves. The feeling of not having control of their own life and not knowing what the future brings for them scares many of them.” As parents it’s hard to deal with what feels like rejection, but it’s imperative that Mums and Dads don’t take the changes in their children’s behaviour, and even being pushed away, personally. If children push their parents away, they are often checking to see how much they are loved, and want to know if their parents are going to fight for them and their love. “It is natural for children – who are forming their identity – to occasionally cross the line. It’s essential not to make a big fuss of this behaviour,” warns Gull. Instead, pre-empt the onset of the teenage years by having “the talk” as early and as authentically as possible. “The earlier children become aware of the changes they will go through, and the more detailed information they receive, the less they will be overwhelmed by the changes when they happen,” Gull urges. However, it’s crucial not to assume what the problem is with your teen or tween. You don’t want to assume it is just normal teenage behaviour when it could be something more serious. “Never assume or suppose what it might be before asking the children,” Gull warns. “Teenagers are the real experts about their own minor IN A NUTSHELL Alfred Gull shares his top tips for dealing with teen angst Never forget to show genuine interest in what your children are doing, what they are interested in, who they like or sometimes even worship, and especially what or who they do not like. Never pretend you are interested or ask things just for the sake of asking. In case you can pop in some details about sports, music, movies or series, and other things teenagers nowadays are interested in they, will praise you for that among their friends, and feel proud of how cool their mom and dad is. In any situation, teenagers are worrying, sad, or just frustrated because there are so many changes in their life. They need a big bear-hug or a parent just being near them, and being open-minded. These things are more important than a thousand words. issues and bigger problems in life. So, always ask them first before you decide what it might be. And by asking them, it shows you are taking them seriously and showing them how important they are,” Gull concludes.42 Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 H ands up if you have a tendency to bombard your kids with question after question from the minute they get home from school. “How was your day?” is usually the first thing parents ask, which often results in mums and dads feeling frustrated when they aren’t given the detailed answers they are hoping for, instead getting a monosyllabic response such as simply “fine” or “good”. While you are in no way alone for asking such open- ended questions – most parents want to hear all about what their children get up to, after all they spend a lot of their weekdays at school away from Mum and Dad – the experts say that this is not the best way to get the answers you are seeking. And it’s certainly not going to be a conversation starter. Rather what we should be doing (we are holding our hands up here too by the way) is talking to them in ways that actually encourages them to want to share some of the highlights and low points from their day. “How?” we hear you cry (there’s that very open-ended question again). The teaching experts at British International School Abu Dhabi – head of primary Mike Wolfe to be precise – give us an insight into how to better approach the children after they’ve had a long, hard day at school. Here he shares his take on the ten things you should be asking or discussing if you want to keep that parent-child dialogue going. Tell me, or show me, something you have learnt at school today. This gives your little one an opportunity to share Communicate with your child something they have done that they are proud of and in turn opens up the conversation to a whole lot of other questions about the thought process that went into getting to the end result. Plus it’s lovely to see your child’s face light up when they see how proud you are of something they have achieved. What did you like doing most at school today and why? Make them think of the most positive things that took place during their day. There is a tendency to focus on the negative, that’s just human Ask the right questions the right way Mike WolfeTime Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 43 nature, but by making them recollect the best things that happened, you are setting them up for a positive day when they go back to school. Did you find anything challenging today and if so, what did you do about it? It’s so helpful to talk through challenges. Children can get hung up thinking that they can’t do something and it can in turn make them anxious. Explain that everyone faces challenges and that it’s overcoming them that is crucial, and then talk them through how they can do that. Who did you play with today and what did you play? Play is such an important part of child development – it builds character and relationships for kids at the same time. By showing interest in who your child is playing with you can get an idea of the friendships and relationships they are forming and in turn support them with those. Did you do anything kind, or help anyone today? Being able to reinforce positive behaviour in your child is important, so when they tell you that they helped a friend with a maths problem or showed them how to spell a difficult word, heap praise on them and watch them glow. What made you smile today? Keep things positive. Positive emotions are an important part of children’s development and engaging with your child on the basis of positivity is a question that can pave the way for a lovely conversation. Who would you like to speak to that you haven’t spoken to before and what would you say to them? Encouraging them to look at new friendships rather than just sticking to the safe, kids they know, will help them develop new relationships with their peers. What are you looking forward to doing at school tomorrow? Make them focus on all of the positives that are happening in their lives rather than focusing on and worrying about a maths test or music exam. It will make your life easier when you are getting them out of bed the next morning and trying to usher them out of the door. “It’s so helpful to talk through your children’s challenges” great way to encourage this. Tell me something you know today that you didn’t know yesterday? This really challenges them to think hard and builds their confidence, showing them that even when they sometimes feel they’ve had a hard day like any other, they have actually learned something entirely new. If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be? This is a fun, light-hearted 44 Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 B ullying affects children all across the UAE, and is heart-breaking for both the child affected as well as their parents. And even more worryingly, a recent study from the Journal of the American Medical Association highlights the importance of identifying and dealing with bullying quickly stating that any kind of delay could affect the child in later life. Plus, the nature of bullying is changing thanks to social media and is more widespread than ever before. Dr Tatiana Falcone, a child psychiatrist from Cleveland Clinic Children’s, says: “The nature of bullying is changing, and it cannot be dismissed as something that happens only among boys, nor as something they will just get over. It affects both sexes – particularly since the advent of social media – and recent studies have shown that the effects can be long term.” While she did not take part in that study, Dr Falcone says the results fit in with previous study findings. “In a research study we undertook for Cleveland Clinic Children’s a few years ago, our team found the effects of emotional trauma on children could have an impact on the brain as severe as if a person has suffered a traumatic brain injury,” she explains. She also points out that the cyberbullying differs from face- to-face aggression in that it not only affects children outside of the school grounds, but also has a far more extensive reach. “A few years ago, if something happened in the classroom, only three or four Beat the bullies Support your child and don’t let the mean kids get away with it “The earlier we intervene the better” Dr Tatiana FalconeTime Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 45 people knew about it, but now the whole school will know about it,” she says. But how can you spot if your little one is coming under attack from their school mates or online? While children will not necessarily tell a parent that they are being bullied, Dr Falcone states that there are several red flags that Mums and Dads should watch out for. “A common sign is a change in behaviour patterns, for example, a child who used to like participating in school and school activities, suddenly doesn’t want to go anymore,” says Dr Falcone. “Their grades might start going down, and they might disengage from family activities too.” Falcone adds that some bullied children become irritable and cranky. “They may even become aggressive at some point, and we find that some children who endure chronic bullying end up becoming bullies themselves,” she says. “The earlier we intervene, the better. As soon as a parent recognises there is bullying or any type of trauma, they should contact the school to report it, and also try to remove the child from the environment immediately. If the child is an adolescent and the school is encouraging the child and bully to resolve the issue, they should provide an adult who is present to mediate the discussion.” HOW YOU CAN HELP The younger the child and the longer the bullying continues, the more harmful it is, so try to address it immediately. Report the bullying to the school, and ask to be kept in the loop about what measures have been taken and what the consequences are. Remove the child from the environment as soon as possible, for example changing them to a different class. Speak to your child and explain what bullying is so that they will be able to recognise it if it happens to them or anybody else. Ensure your children understand that they can speak openly to you about anything and everything. Make a habit of checking their social media, web history including gaming sites, and school notebooks every week. Stress how important it is that they only accept requests or followers they know well. If you find anything worrying, take a screenshot or the written evidence with you to the school when you report the issue. If your child is being bullied on social media, put them on a ‘social media diet’, blocking any bullies, and cutting back on social media or accessing it only under supervision. Identify a ‘safe person’ at their school; this should be a trusted adult, such as the school counsellor, who your child can approach if they are worried about anything. Parents who are concerned that their child might be being bullied, can follow these steps to help deal with the issue...46 Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 Vegetable sushi rolls Makes 4 rolls, feeds 4. Prep time: 20 mins. Cook time: 15 mins. Ingredients • 1 pack nori seaweed sheets • 1 cup sushi rice (or any sticky rice if you cannot find) • 1 tbls white vinegar • 1 tsp white sugar • ½ tsp salt • 2 carrots, thinly sliced into sticks • 1 cucumber, thinly sliced into sticks • 4 radishes, thinly sliced • Reduced salt soy sauce Method STEP 1: Cook one cup of sushi or sticky rice to the packet instructions. Dissolve the sugar and salt in the vinegar over a low heat, then pour into the rice. Leave to cool. STEP 2: Cut up the vegetables into very thin slices (julienne). STEP 3: Lie a sheet of seaweed on a flat surface. Load one half of the sheet with a thin layer of sticky rice. Place the sliced vegetables towards one end on top of the rice in a strip. Lunchbox ideas STEP 4: Starting with the end with the rice and vegetables, roll as tightly as you can, using the pressure of your hands evenly on each side. Roll to the end and seal with a little water on your finger, across the seaweed. STEP 5: Slice into bite sided pieces and serve with a small bowl of soy sauce (I use a reduced salt one for the children). TIP: Use things your kids love as sushi fillings. Time Out UAE Kids cookery columnist Clare Lavin shares five recipes for a perfect school snackTime Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 47 New York-style chicken sliders Makes 10 sliders. Prep time: 20 mins. Chill time: 30 minutes. Cook time: 20 mins. Ingredients FOR THE BURGERS: • 500g minced chicken • 1 tbs ground almonds • 1 tbs soy sauce • 1 tsp dried oregano FOR THE GARNISH: • 10 small burger buns • 1 head of iceburg lettuce • 2 small cucumbers • 2 plum tomatoes • 4 tbs tomato ketchup • 4 tbs mayonnaise • 5 slices cheddar cheese • 5 small gherkins • 5 cherry tomatoes • 20 small decorative party food picks for the garnish Method STEP 1: To make the burger patties, put all the burger ingredients into a bowl and combine, but do not overwork the minced chicken. Divide into 10 patties, rolling into a ball in your hand and then flattening. STEP 2: Chill the patties for 30 mins in the fridge. Then put some olive oil in a pan and fry for 5 minutes each side until golden brown, then in a hot oven at 180 degrees celcius for a further 10 minutes until cooked through. Leave to cool. STEP 3: For the burger toppings, all vegetables can be cut to the size of the bun, or alternatively can be shaped with a cookie cutter. STEP 4: Combine the tomato ketchup and mayonnaise to make “mayochup”. To assemble, cut the small buns in half, put the mayochup first followed by the lettuce, then the chicken burger, before the tomato, cheese and cucumber. Put the top of the bun on. Put a food pick through the slider to hold it all together. Serve with half a cherry tomato and half a gherkin on a food pick. NOTE: The meat and topping choices can be changed to anything your crew will eat. Alternatives for the mince meat could be vegetarian or chicken mince. Toppings could include chutneys, salsa, shredded cabbage or turkey bacon.48 Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 Overnight oats with berries and pumpkin seeds Makes 3 small pots. Prep time: 5 mins. Cool time: overnight. Mini taco bites Makes 24 bites. Prep time: 20 mins. Cook time: 55 mins (two batches). Ingredients • 1 sheet ready rolled puff pastry, defrosted • 150g low-fat beef mince • ½ tsp ground coriander • ½ tsp smoked paprika • 1 tsp Tabasco smoked chipotle sauce • 1 tbs tomato puree • ½ cup cheddar cheese, grated • 6 tbs plain yoghurt • 1 tomato de-seeded and cut into a small dice • 12 cup mini muffin tray Method STEP 1: Lay out the puff pastry and using a round cutter just slightly larger than the size of each cup in the muffin tray (you can use a drinking glass) cut out 12 circles of pastry. Press into a pre-greased mini muffin tray and put in the oven at 180 degrees celcius for 10 minutes. STEP 2: fry off the minced beef until cooked through (approx. 10 minutes), add the ground coriander, paprika, chipotle sauce and tomato puree. Cook for a further 5 minutes. Leave to cool. STEP 3: Remove the pastry cases from the oven and gently press down the middles that have puffed up. Fill with the beef mix, top with some grated cheese and put back in the oven for 10 minutes. Leave to cool. STEP 4: Remove taco bites from the tray, and repeat again to cook a second batch. Leave to cool then decorate with a dollop of yoghurt and the diced tomato. Ingredients • 1 cup jumbo rolled oats • 1 cup hazelnut milk (or any preferred nut milk) • 1 tbls maple syrup • ½ tsp ground cinnamon • Fresh blueberries and raspberries • Handful pumpkin seeds Method STEP 1: Place the oats, hazelnut milk, maple syrup and cinnamon in a bowl and stir well. Place in the fridge overnight. STEP 2: To serve place in a small cereal bowl, top with the fresh fruit and pumpkin seeds. TIP: Agave syrup is a great alternative if you want to keep sugar consumption low.Time Out UAE Kids Education 2020/21 49 “Agave syrup is a healthy alternative to sugar” Falafel flatbread pocket Makes 12 falafel, feeds 4. Prep time: 20 mins. Cook time: 20 mins. Ingredients FOR THE FALAFEL: • 1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed • 1 small red onion, finely chopped • 1 garlic clove, minced • 1 tsp ground cumin • 1 tsp ground coriander • 3 tbls plain flour • 1 tsp chopped fresh parsley • Salt and pepper for seasoning FOR THE FLATBREADS: • 1 pack Arabic flatbreads • Shredded lettuce and red cabbage • Sliced cucumber and tomato • Parsley and/or mint leaves • Pomegranate seeds Method STEP 1: Fry off the onion and garlic in a light olive oil until cooked through and soft. Add the ground coriander and cumin for just 10 seconds until fragrant. Add to a food processor with all the other ingredients. Blend to a paste. STEP 2: To shape the falafel take a small amount of the paste and make into bite sized balls, then slightly flattening. Either shallow fry for 4 minutes each side in a light olive oil until brown or spray with oil and bake in the oven for approx 15 minutes. STEP 3: To assemble the pocket, cut a flatbread in half and gently open the middle. Then load it with lettuce, red cabbage, cucumber, tomato and then the falafel. Add the pomegranate, fresh parsley and mint springs on top. Delicious and nutritious!Next >